Getting dumped doesn’t feel good.
I have had my share of experiences being rejected. I’ve been dumped by a friend or two, many moons ago by boyfriends, and more recently, by followers.
In blogging, being “unfollowed,” is the equivalent of being dumped and is a common occurrence.
In the beginning, every time someone would unfollow one of my social media accounts, my initial reaction would come from a place of hurt. I would think, “Why? I thought we had a thing?”
I took it personally.
I wasn’t stopping to appreciate the new followers I get every day. I was just wrapped up in the feelings surrounding being rejected.
Then I would get angry; all indignant and pissy and think, “Well, forget you, I don’t need you anyway!”
But, after I had a chance to reflect, I realized, getting dumped is actually a good thing. People who unfollow me are doing me a favor. They are making sure that my tribe is filled with people who really want to be here.
[Tweet “Getting dumped is actually a good thing.”]
I started to think about my beautiful tribe.
The connections I have formed online through blogging and social media. People that I have come to know through conversation and shared experience. The ones that “get me.” That stick with me. That make an effort to connect with me. I LOVE these relationships because they are genuine. They are formed over time and even though we’ve never met and sometimes live thousands of miles apart, they are supportive and true.
I’d rather have 500 solid, committed, engaged followers on any of my platforms than 15.5k followers that I never hear from or who don’t really believe in what I have to say. Who don’t “know” me, or worse, who don’t care to get to know me.
I want people to be here only if they want to be here. [Tweet “I want people to be here only if they want to be here.”]
Social media is a numbers game. How many followers, page views, likes, etc. As bloggers, it’s easy to get swept up in that, focusing more on the numbers than the people behind them. It’s important to remember that blogging provides a platform for real connections to be made.
[Tweet “Blogging provides a way for real connections to be made.”]
After I though about it, I had to admit, I have unfollowed my share of blogs and social media accounts as well. Over time, I realized we didn’t have much in common. We just weren’t a good fit.
It wasn’t personal. It was nothing against them. They just weren’t for me.
Just as I am not for everyone.
Not everyone wants to follow a middle-aged surfer mom, entrepreneur, who is reinventing herself and charging life while trying to bring everyone else along for the ride.
And that’s okay.
This realization softened my hurt and anger. I just wasn’t a fit for them.
And isn’t this true for friendships and real life connections as well?
Isn’t it kind of the same?
Don’t we want friends who make time for us and value what we have to say? Don’t we want a mutual give and take? Don’t we want relationships that are fun, but can be raw and honest and vulnerable?
I know I do.
The times I’ve been dumped by friends, I was hurt. Of course I took it personally, like there was something wrong with me.
Then I got angry and thought, “Well, forget you then, I don’t need you anyway.”
But, after I had a chance to reflect, I found acceptance.
Not everyone is meant to stay in my life forever.
I really only want the people in my life who want to be here.
And if they don’t, that’s okay, I am not a fit for everybody! 🙂
Salty Kisses,
Karen
Have you ever been dumped? Do you think it was a good thing? I’d love to keep the conversation going. Leave a comment below or come find me on social media. I love to hang out there. Facebook Instagram Twitter
18 responses to “Why Getting Dumped Is A Good Thing”
I have worked online for close to 15 years so I just shout a big Hell yes!! to all of this.
Reminds me of the notion: if a door won’t open – – or if it closes 🙂 – – move on. it wasn’t your door.
Right Carla! It’s hard not to take it personally, but I’m getting better. Thank you for the validation-nice to know I’m on the right track! 🙂
I’ve been dumped many times. In the end it was always the most healthy outcome. People unfollow my blog all the time. I sometimes wonder why, but realize they thought I was speaking their language, and discovered I wasn’t. No big deal. I’m not for everyone. No one is.
I definitely agree Jennifer, but it has taken me a while to get there! It’s hard not to take it personal, but it makes me appreciate my engaged followers (like you) 🙂 all the more! Thank you for your comment! It also helps to hear other bloggers take on it! Glad I’m not alone! Cheers!
Sometimes I do feel a few moments of jealousy when I see someone who has a blog and they begin to speak about how they picked up a few hundred new followers in a week. Thankfully, it does not last long. I do realize that the subject matter is a bit limiting on my site. I am sure my numbers would be different if my site was just me being funny or super political. I chose my subject so I am the one who went in knowing all of this.
I also share your same beliefs. I am happy with the followers I am blessed to have. They seem to really care about me and seeing them post makes me happy. So what more do I need?
P.S. I am a bit intrigued about your business plans…I will be waiting to see what it is about.
Have a great weekend!
I hear ya Steve! I try SO hard not to compare myself with other bloggers! I have to remind myself it is the writing and the connections that I love, not necessarily the numbers! I will definitely keep you updated on the future business plans! 🙂 As always, I appreciate your comment!
I agree!!! I have had most trouble with “friends” dumping me. That hurts worse than anything else, but after a while I realize how much nicer my life is without them in it, because we really werent a good fit anymore…
Exactly Sandra! I think that adage is true about some people being in your life for a reason or a season. Thank you for your comment!
Hi Karen, just focus on what you have, treasure the real relationships you have and the new connections you make. Don’t worry about people who decide to unfollow or go their separate ways. They are on their own path. You bring joy to your tribe, write for them, for me. We love you!
Awww thanks Monica-you are so sweet! I agree-it just took me while to get there and not take it personally. Thank you for your support as always!
As a freelancer, dumpage happens on a regular basis. It’s always hard and often there’s no explanation. But sometimes it’s a big relief to me, so it’s a mixed bag of emotions.
Yes definitely! I have come to feel the same way. I have also come to understand that everyone has different motives for being on social media. I want to find my tribe and build meaningful connections . . . not everyone has the same goal and that’s ok! Thank you for your perspective! 🙂
I’m all about getting dumped and dumping when it comes to social media. Collecting numbers isn’t helpful. Like you, I’d rather have a smaller number of followers who are meaningful than tens of thousands who never interact, see my Tweet, or share anything I’m interested in.
Yes! I am getting better at remembering that! Thank you for commenting Robin and for your support! I am thrilled we became connected through HYC! 🙂
Yes, I agree,…as bloggers we are always looking at stats! You are right— it is richer to have true followers. I really like the comment by A Well Styled Life. She said that sometimes you get a follower because the person thinks that you “speak their language”,…but maybe later, they realize they are really looking for something different. Not better,…just different. Or, they change their interests. Sometimes I am obsessed with food blogs, sometimes not so much. I’ve loved everything I have ever read on your blog–
Thank you Gigi! You are so sweet! Yes- Jennifer has been in this blogging game longer than I, and has a great perspective. I learn a lot from her! Thank you for your comment!
I totally agree with everything in this post. Even though I am new to this blogging journey, I’ve heard plenty of war stories from the veterans, like you, who willingly share authentically about the underbelly of the journey. But without the bad or the negative or what-have-you, we cannot appreciate the good, the positive or the upside to anything. Thanks for this important message and reminder!
Thank you for reading and commenting Lisa! It took me a while not to take rejection personally and makes me appreciate the authentic relationships I make all the sweeter! I am happy you and I connected through HYC. 🙂