My mother died 6 days after I got married.  I was 26.

She was my role model, my biggest cheer leader, my sounding board, my confidant.  My best friend.

She loved unconditionally.  She showed me how to handle difficulties and problems with courage and grace.  As I became a young woman, she kept judgment to a minimum and let me navigate life relatively free of criticism.  I was allowed to fumble through things, oftentimes making the wrong choices but she let me.  And there she was to help pick up the pieces if I asked.  She was the person I would run to when life got hard.

She taught me how to love.  She showed me how to take a swing at the curveballs.  She prepared me to do battle. She demonstrated how to get back up on the horse.  And she showed me how to tackle a cancer diagnosis fearlessly…all while maintaining a twinkle in your eye and a smile on your lips.

She had this twinkle and this smile on the day I got married.  But two days later…that twinkle started to fade.  The smile started to lessen.  And 6 days later they were gone.

She will have been gone 20 years this summer.

As I try to recall memories of her and times spent together, I find my mind not as quick to recollect her likeness.  Her features are fuzzy. Her voice is distant. Her words are muted.

Fear creeps in.

I can’t recall her image.  I have difficulty remembering her nuances.

I knew this time would come.  When the ache, along with the memories and the emotions would lessen.

So last year on my birthday, I honored her with a small token of affection.  I had her words, taken from a card she had written me,  put permanently on my body.  A tattoo…in a place no one ever needs to see.

“I wish our days together were more often. Love you. Mom”

And another tattoo in a place everyone can see.

Simply…Love You

Her words.  Her handwriting.  Her sentiment.  Permanently inked on my body as a lasting message.

Evidence of her existence when the memories are all too sheer.

I am who I am due to traces of her.  I am her footprint.  I am the mark she has left.

And I honor her with this small act of love.

 Karen

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