With the start of a New Year comes all sorts of pressure to reinvent yourself. Pressure to make resolutions and goals because somehow, you’re just not good enough the way you are. (FYI-you are.)

I am all for intentions and plans. In fact, I mostly love the New Year because we get a proverbial clean slate. Something about a new year motivates me to make positive changes. (More about that here.)

Sometimes however, I feel it’s just too much pressure! It makes us feel like our life is in need of a major overhaul. This of course is why resolutions don’t work. We think we need to make all these big changes to make our lives better, when in fact, we are already pretty awesome the way we are!

But, no one is perfect.

Being pretty awesome doesn’t mean we should just keep going along, doing what we’ve always done. Maybe there ARE some things that could be changed; things to aspire to.

May I suggest that in order to look at what goals to set in the new year, we take inventory of our lives and have the courage to really examine what isn’t working by looking at the inside, not the outside. Not focusing on the pounds, or the house, or the bank account. But, by taking stock of who we are and who we want to be.

There is a lyric from a Switchfoot song that says, “This is your life, are you who you want to be?”

[Tweet “This is your life, are you who you want to be?”]

Quite a profound question if you ask me. We have one life, one chance to get it right. Are you who you want to be?

Look into your heart and see if you can find the answer. Maybe you don’t have to look too far. Or maybe, you need to dig deep.

The answer to this question confronted me quite by accident.

A week ago, I had a revelation.

I realized sometimes, I am not the person I want to be.

Sometimes I am not nice. Sometimes, I don’t treat people like I want to be treated. Sometimes I judge. Sometimes I gossip. Sometimes I let my own issues get in the way of how I treat people.

It kinda sucks to realize and admit this to myself.

Don’t worry, this isn’t a self-deprecating thing. We get many chances to learn about ourselves, and this, for me, is one of them.

I think on the whole, I am a good person. I am loving and kind most of the time. I constantly try to work on myself and improve who ‘Karen’ is.

But I realized, sometimes I do some not so nice things. I occasionally hop onto my pedestal; my self-imposed platform that somehow gives me permission to look down on others, as if I really have all my shit together.

This vantage point somehow makes me forget that everyone is fighting some kind of battle . . . everyone!

It makes me lose sight of the fact that people are doing the best they can with what they have. And if their best kinda sucks, it’s because they are hurt inside.

This pedestal somehow hides the fact that the people who annoy me most, are the ones who trigger something in ME and that this is MY shit! I am the one with the issue-not them.

Damn I hate calling myself out. It’s hard to look at myself sometimes when I don’t like what I see.

I don’t like realizing that I do not always act like a loving person.

So . . . what now?

When we realize unflattering things about ourselves, how can we take the knowledge and move forward in the new year?

[Tweet “Here are some steps you can take when you realize you mess up. “]

Here are some steps you can take when you realize you aren’t perfect. When you screw up. Steps you might need when a personal flaw comes to light, because it will.

1. First, take a good look at what you did. Just sit with it. Was it a shitty thing? Acknowledge you did a shitty thing. Own it.
2. After you recognize you did in fact mess up, forgive yourself. Yes, release yourself from the guilt. Are you the first person to have ever done this? Did you kill or physically harm someone? Was whatever you did so horrible you will never be forgiven? Well, I am hoping the answers are ‘No,’ but even if there is a ‘yes,’ it’s still okay to forgive yourself. Understand you are human. And you, just like everyone else, are doing the best you can.
3. Make an apology if necessary. This is hard, but important.
4. Move on. Don’t dwell on it after you’ve acknowledged it and tried to make it right. Making mistakes means we’re human, not the devil. Don’t use this one thing to decided who you are as a person. It is not healthy to continue to beat yourself up. Remember this feeling and make a change. (See #5)
5. Use this as an opportunity. If you aren’t doing the best you can, being your best, then this is your chance to make a change. This is your chance to become who you want to be. And what more perfect time than a new year to motivate you to be your best?
6. Now let it go.

This is the process I went through this past week. This is how I was able to use my imperfection as a learning tool to becoming the person I want to be. If you have any other suggestions, I’d love to hear them in the comments.

I am still under the impression we are all amazing. I think on a whole, I am pretty f’ing great! As are you.

However, no one is perfect. And who would want to be?

But, let’s take our imperfections, the crappy ones that we all have, and decide to make them better. Let’s decide to never stop striving to become our best selves.

[Tweet “Let’s decide to never stop striving to become our best selves. “]

So then, we can look at our one life, and when asked, “This is your life, are you who you want to be?” We can nod our head with a smile as an unwavering “Yes” passes our lips.

Salty Kisses,

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