One Salty Kiss

What Regrets Will You Have At The End Of Your Life?

We will have have regrets at the end of our lives. How can we make sure they are at a minimum?

We will have have regrets at the end of our lives. How can we make sure they are at a minimum?

What are the regrets you will have at the end of your life?

Have you ever thought about that?

I have.

Of all the mistakes I’ve made and failures I’ve had, I am hoping to head to the grave with only one full-fledged regret. There’s really only one event in my life that haunts me. Only one that I can say I truly regret, even after more than 20 years.

I never had an honest conversation with my mother when she was dying. This is my deepest regret.

At 26, I just didn’t have the courage to confront my greatest fear at the time, which was the possibility of living without her. So, I just acted like it wasn’t happening.

I pretended I wasn’t watching her die before my eyes.

I regret never asking her what it was like. Never asking her about her wishes for when she was gone. Never looking her in the eyes and telling her how much my heart was breaking at the thought of losing her. I really regret that one.

I didn’t have the strength.

I didn’t have the courage.

The rest of this heartbreak I will save for another post.

The bottom line is, I intend for this to be the only true, gut wrenching regret I leave this world with.

Regret is a bad word.

Regret. Ick. I don’t even like saying it.

It represents extreme sadness to me.

Regret is the poster child for chances not taken. Places not traveled to. Love not expressed. Passions not pursued. Relationships not fought for. Dreams not chased. Conversations not had.

Regret is loss.

And you know what? That cheeseball quote really is true.

In the end, you will only regret the chances you didn’t take.

You will not regret the things you tried and failed at.

You won’t even really regret the mistakes.

You will regret the things you did not do.

[Tweet “You WILL regret the things you did not do.”]

You will regret the things left undone.

All those times you said, “I’d like to,” “I wish I could,” “wow, wouldn’t that be cool,” and “I will someday.”

Those are the things you will regret.

What causes regret?

I have come to realize that fear and self-doubt are at the root of regret.

Fear keeps us small.

Self doubt keeps us hidden.

Fear and self-doubt are like Miracle Grow for regrets. When we cover our mind and heart with fear and self-doubt, it creates a fertile environment for missed opportunities and chances not taken.

[Tweet “Fear and self-doubt are like Miracle Grow for regrets.”]

But, guess what? This does not have to be a sad story.

There is a silver lining.

The amazing part is that every day we are alive, we have a chance to minimize regret.

We are in control of our regrets.

We. Are. In. Control.

In this life, there aren’t many things we can say that about.

Ideally, we will be on our deathbed, with a satisfied grin, because we know we left no stone unturned, no conversation unhad, no sea uncharted. We know we did all that needed to be done.

We said “yes” to life.

How are you going to use your power?

So, what are you going to do?  How are you going to keep your regrets to a minimum?

Here’s what I would do:

Say what needs to be said.

Take chances.

Tell more people to Fuck Off

Tell more people you love them.

Go on that dream vacation.

Seek out that perfect job.

Make a change.

Learn the lessons that need to be learned.

Give all you’ve got.

Try it.

Follow your heart.

Make the decision now.

Rise to the challenge.

Take a risk.

Say yes to things that scare you.

Just say yes.

That’s what I would do. But, that’s just me.

What are your thoughts on regret?

If you need support to live with no regrets, to live life like you mean it, then sign up below for my monthly newsletter. You won’t regret it! 😉

Salty Kisses,

 

Karen Shatafian

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24 responses to “What Regrets Will You Have At The End Of Your Life?”

  1. I was saying to my mom this weekend I have absolutely no regrets. She 77 so different generation and I think what she heard me saying was there aren’t any things I wish I would have done or tried when I was younger. And that’s not what I mean. I just know everything I did – – for good and for bad – – have all come together to create the me I am today.

  2. Loved your blog today. I lost my son to a heroin overdose a few weeks ago and I don’t have many regrets. I spent some nice time with him in the last few weeks of his life. My regret is I couldn’t save me son from his addiction but I know better then that. I so appreciate your blog today my dear friend.

    • Oh my Thelma! I am sending big virtual hugs your way! I am glad you were able to be with him and also that you do not feel responsible! As we’ve said before, an addict has to come to terms with things on their own. All we can do is love! My heart breaks for you darlin’ and I hope you have a support network you can lean on at this painful time! Sending Hugs!xx

  3. Totally agree! This is a big hot button for me too, I am not interested in siting on the sidelines of my own life, jump in, it’s so much more fun!

  4. It’s amazing how fear and self doubt can paralyze an individual. Working with death and dying has taught me many lessons in regards to not living a life with regret. I truly try to approach moments and events with the thought of would I regret it. Great post.

  5. Live beyond the regrets … great advice. I admire that you can admit you regret taking that time with your mother to speak your mind. Take solace in the fact that you took that time with your mom, regardless.

  6. Hi, Karen

    I don’t like the word “regrets” for reason different from yours. I don’t like the word “regret” because when we regret we are still using our energy and time to do something from yesterday. Because we can’t do anything with the past which we should take it out from our life.

    Glad that you encouraged us from that moment on to “Live” the life we want and do the things which we passion about . Take risk and take action.

    Love your post.

    • Thank you Stella! I always enjoy your comments because they take me just one step further. I agree-regret about yesterday does take energy from living today. It is something I know in my brain, but is hard to put into practice sometimes. I think for me, forgiving myself was something I had to do so I didn’t spend my energy regretting not having those hard conversations with my mother. AS always, thank you for your comment!

    • Oh Christa that is a tough one to carry with you. True regret is really so painful-it’s the not knowing how things would have been I think that makes it hard. Thank you for taking time to read this and for your personal comment! xx

  8. I need to tell more people to f-off, in my head anyways. What I mean by that is that I need to stop letting what people that don’t matter think about me or the comments they make mess with my head.

    • Amen Sister! And sometimes we need to tell them to f-off out loud. Maybe choosing nicer words . . . maybe not! haha Thank you for reading and taking time to comment Sara! 🙂

  11. I have many regrets. I don’t know how you can live very long without collecting them. But I agree with Carla: The mistakes I made crafted the human that I am today. I’m sure I will screw up many more times before my time on this big blue ball is over; I wonder who I will be on my last day?

    • Exactly! Maybe it’s just the verbiage. Other “regrets” I have, have been learning experiences for sure. Hopefully they’ve made me my best self. Love it . . . “I wonder who I will be on my last day.” So poetic!!! Thank you for your comment! xx

  12. I so agree with you Karen. I try to not have regrets although sometimes it is hard not to. We have to live our lives to the full and we never now what is going to happen. I think you know my philosophy about getting older and we don’t have room or time for regrets. I do feel your pain re your mother but I’m sure she knows how you feel. Great post, I love your writing xx

    • Thank you Sue! Yes-you are right-sometimes it’s hard not to have regrets! Except for the one I shared, the other “regrets” I have, have been learning opportunities so hopefully they have made me a better person! And yes- life is short . . . there is no room for regrets. Thank you so much for your support! 🙂 xx