What No One Tells You About Loving Yourself

When it comes to loving yourself, there's something that's not talked about. The thing no one tells you. Read this to find out what it is.

When it comes to loving yourself, there's something that's not talked about. The thing no one tells you. Read this to find out what it is.

I am going to tell you right outta the gates what no one tells you about loving yourself. I’m not even going to make you read this whole article to find out what it is.

No one tells you that loving yourself is essential. That it’s crucial. Imperative.

No one tells you that.

No one tells you that in order to reach your full potential and be all that you are meant to be, you need to really love yourself.

Instead, we get the message that self-love is, well, selfish. In fact, if you look up self-love on thesaurus.com right now it will say things like; narcissism, vanity, conceit, and egotistical.

Are you kiddin’ me? If I love myself I’m a narcissist?

This is a huge problem.

Self-love isn’t thinking we’re better than others. It’s not a psychological condition where we are obsessed with ourselves. It isn’t self-absorbtion.

Self-love is the belief that we deserve as much love and affection as anyone else on the planet. It is the ability to take care of our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs with kindness.

The idea that self-love is egotistical, has kept people from living their best life.

  • It has created people who feel bad about taking time for themselves.
  • Who feel they need to put everyone else’s needs before their own.
  • Who need permission to make their own self-care a priority.
  • People who rack up unused vacations days at the end of the year.
  • Who feel guilty about spending money on something just for fun.
  • Who jam pack their schedules with so many obligations and “shoulds,” they forget all about what sets their souls on fire.

Somehow, we came to believe that taking care of ourselves is selfish. When truly, nothing could be further from the truth!

How can we love anyone or anything else if we don’t love and value ourselves?  If we don’t honor ourselves, warts and all?

[Tweet “How can we love anyone or anything else if we don’t love and value ourselves? “]

How can we live up to our greatest potential, live our best life, if we do not value who we are in our core?

The short answer is, we can’t.

[Tweet “We will never live up to our greatest potential until we truly value ourselves.”]

We will never be able to live a life of true happiness and meaning if we never learn to love ourselves. Really love ourselves.

Truly love ourselves. Honor ourselves; our body, mind, and spirit.

So, what do you think? Do you love yourself that deeply? As much as you love your dearest friend or family member?

[Tweet “Do you love yourself as deeply as you love your dearest friend or family member?”]

Do you feel you could show yourself more love?

Signs you might not be loving yourself enough:

  1. Do you tell yourself you’re not smart enough, not pretty enough, or strong enough, not ______ enough?
  2. Do you over-apologize? Saying sorry for things that don’t even need an apology? Like you’re apologizing for existing?
  3. Do you constantly compare yourself to others? “What’s she wearing? What’s he driving?”
  4. Does your lack of confidence in yourself keep you from trying new things or taking risks?
  5. Do you need to find out what other people are doing before you can make a decision on the matter?
  6. Do you have addictive behavior?
  7. Do you only notice your flaws when you look in the mirror?
  8. Do you let people bully you? Are you uncomfortable standing up for yourself?
  9. Do you sacrifice your wants and needs to take care of everyone else?
  10. Do you feel shame?
  11. Have you taken time to get to know yourself? Your passions? Your dreams? (If not, read this or this.)
  12. Do you take responsibility for your actions?
  13. Are you self-critical?
  14. Do you feel unworthy?
  15. Do you have low expectations of yourself?
  16. Do you down play your gifts and talents? Do you even know what they are?
  17. Do you look outside yourself for validation?
  18. Do you rely heavily on the opinion of others?
  19. Do you take care of your body and your mind?
  20. Do you lack confidence in voicing your true feelings?
  21. Do you keep dreams to yourself for fear of criticism or failure?
  22. Do you listen to your gut, your intuition, your true self? Here’s how.

Whew! That’s a lotta unloving stuff. I hope no one answers yes to all of these, but if you answered yes to some, you might want to start making yourself more of a priority.


There are many reasons we have a hard time loving ourselves.

  • Maybe growing up, our family wasn’t supportive or encouraging.
  • Maybe we grew up with addiction and we were always trying to make everything ok, keeping what we thought or felt buried deep inside.
  • Maybe one or both of our parents, for whatever reason, weren’t around and we grew up feeling like something must be wrong with us because our mom and dad didn’t stay.
  • Maybe someone we trusted abused us and we felt damaged from the start.

There are some pretty heavy reasons for not believing we deserve love.

Not feeling worthy of self-love.

Then there’s just life. The pressure from society to look this way or have that kind of car.  We can end up feeling like we just don’t measure up.

You have to love yourself because no amount of loving from others is sufficient to fill the yearning that your soul requires from you.”  Dodinsky

Well, no matter the reason, I am here to tell you, you deserve to be loved. No matter what you look like. No matter how educated you are. No matter where you live. No matter what size your bank account. No matter . . .

You deserve to be loved. Deeply and madly. And most importantly, you deserve to be loved by you.

[Tweet “You deserve to be loved. Deeply and madly. #selflove”]

You owe it to yourself. Because who is going to value you, the way you deserve to be valued, if you don’t value yourself?

You give people clues in how to treat you, by how you treat yourself. So, if you are not treating yourself as if you deserve only the best, how can you expect anyone else to?

Do you feel you could love yourself more? The next part in this 2 part series will show you how. Stay tuned.

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16 responses to “What No One Tells You About Loving Yourself”

    • So true Laurie. And I try to remember this when I come across someone who is being hurtful or obnoxious. They are dealing with their own lack of self love and it comes out in their behavior. Thank you for your comments! xx

  1. I love reading this from you my sweet friend. As I reading I thought “wasn’t the directive love thy neighbor as thyself?” and maybe that’s part of the current issue people not loving themselves so how can they love anyone else? and yet, I know we’re capable of it. love is the core of who we are as beings, if we could just get out of our own way. <3

  2. I attend a guided meditation every Saturday. And every Saturday we say.
    I love myself
    I love everyone
    And everyone loves me.
    I say it each night before I go to sleep. It’s changed me in a BIG way. Xo

  3. Phenomenal post. Just perfect. Thank you. I swear I’m going to bookmark this for myself and save it for the days I need the reminder. And I’m sharing. So much sharing. I know way too many people who experience this sort of thing. Myself included – now and then.

    • Oh Andrea! We all do right? And it’s so sad. I think women especially don’t love themselves as deeply as they could. Thank you so much for the feedback. Sometimes I feel I NEED to write a post, but don’t know how it will be received . . . (I am sure you can relate, #bloglife haha) so I truly appreciate your comments! xx

  4. I can’t tell you how much your words took me to place I remember so well. Thank you for your words Karen. I really enjoy my memory of your mom. She was a very cool mom and I’m truly happy that she welcomed me in your family.

  5. What a beautiful post Karen. All the questions you had us read and ask ourselves! Powerful. I am guilty of often putting others before me. It is hard to break that practice. What a beautiful post—

    • Thank you Gigi! I am so glad it resonated with you. My goal is for women to recognize how valuable they are and to love themselves deeper every day! Thank you for your sweet comments!

  6. I love this. And we love our children and our family even though they are not perfect so loving yourself does not mean you think you are perfect. It just means you know what you’re good at and how you bring value to the world. I make tons of mistakes but I love the place my heart comes from and the positive differences I’ve made in people’s lives

    • Exactly! Yes, Angela! Thank you so much for your comments! My goal is for women to love themselves as much as, if not more than, they love the people in their lives! Thank you for reading!