It’s that time of year. High school seniors are committing to their chosen college. Their parents are relieved they’ve been accepted and the waiting is over.

My daughter is a senior and hasn’t quite made her decision yet. I am waiting with bated breath, keeping my mouth closed as she weighs her options.

My son is just finishing up his sophomore year at a small university in California. It is hard to believe it has gone so quickly; this school year whizzing by faster than any year leading up to this point.

It is difficult having our kids out of reach while they are in college.

It is extremely hard not seeing them every day; not being there to take a visual account of their well-being.

• Are they eating enough?
• Are they stressed out?
• Are they going to class?
• Are they in love?

I reluctantly had to get used to not being able to judge these things for myself.  As parents, we just have to take their word for it.

As this school year comes to a close, I reflect back on the advice I gave my son the day I dropped him off to start his new life. Words similar to those I will tell my daughter in a few short months.

This was my advice:

• Work hard; play hard.
• Don’t be the obnoxious drunk kid, be the smart kid who likes to have fun.
• Keep your scholarship.
• Leave the door to your room open when you’re in there hanging out.
• Take advantage of every opportunity (that’s legal and within your value system) that comes your way.
• Say yes more than you say no.

College is extremely important. It is a nonnegotiable in my house for both my kids.

But, it isn’t only about the academics and the degree.

It isn’t about constantly having their nose in a book, getting straight As, and receiving academic honors.

What kind of parent discourages her kids from getting straight As?

A parent that feels college is about getting that degree, but it is also about so much more.

What I Hope My Kids Learn In College:

I Hope They Learn About Themselves:

• I hope they learn with each passing day that they are capable.
• I hope they learn how to handle being uncomfortable, because they will be; physically, emotionally, socially, and academically.
• I hope they learn how to be alone.
• I hope they learn how to manage money.
• I hope they discover what they’re passionate about as they expose themselves to new things.
• I hope they learn how to become self motivated. How to find balance and prioritize. No one will force them to go to class or do homework.
• I hope they gain the confidence to try on new hats. To see what feels good. To see what fits.
• I hope they learn how to take care of their body. Learn how to eat right, get enough sleep, and take themselves to the health clinic when they feel crappy.
• I hope they feel safe enough to shed their masks and dig deep to allow who is inside to really be free.

I Hope They Learn About Others:

• I hope they learn how to handle uncomfortable situations with tact; like when their roommate doesn’t shower often enough.
• I hope they gain appreciation and understanding of others.
• I hope they learn the politics of dating.
• I hope they become comfortable nurturing relationships with professors and other adults.
• I hope they learn to open their arms and heart to the strangers they will be sharing their life with. Some of these strangers will become their best fiends.
• I hope they learn how to take care of others. Caring for their dorm mate, who had too much fun at the frat party, and needs help getting home.
• I hope they form lifelong bonds from living with and learning from the people they grow up alongside.

I Hope They Learn About The World:

• I hope they embrace new opportunities, new people, and new ideas; becoming adept at trying new things on for size.
• I hope they open themselves up to the diversity of people surrounding them. The people from around the globe sitting next to them in class and in the commons. I hope they take time to ask about them. To care about them. Finding out how they are different and how they are the same.
• I hope they learn how to think on their feet. How to react when their intramural team plays another team for the championship, and has a kid, a big kid, with anger issues.
• I hope they gain the courage to form their own, maybe unpopular opinions, and build the confidence to share them.

College isn’t just about learning what is taught in the classroom.

College is about learning how to navigate life.

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In college, kids will start to see themselves as adults. They will be given freedom and discover how to handle it.

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It isn’t easy for mothers to push their chicks out of the nest. We must watch and keep a safe distance as they test out their wings; strengthening them with each nose dive and near miss.

All the while, holding our breath, as we watch them learn to fly.

Salty Kisses,

Karen

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