Sending my first-born to college sent shock waves through my heart and mind. It was unlike anything I have experienced.

His being gone, took me through the spectrum of emotions.

• I was excited for his new stage in life.
• I was thrilled as he tells me of his adventures.
• I felt anger at some of the decisions he has made while out of my grasp.
• I felt lonely for his voice and his hugs.
• I was envious of his freedom.
• And of course, I was incredibly sad, missing him like crazy.

It is really an unimaginable endeavor we parents have to go through when we send a child of to college. It seems unfair to raise a child only to have to let them go. Almost like a cruel joke.

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This is a person that came from my body. Someone that I raised and nurtured for eighteen years. Someone that, along with his sister, I love more than life.

Then I am just supposed to help him pack and move out?

I wanted to cry out, “WAIT! I made it through a lot of the hard stuff. He’s just getting fun and now I have to let him go?  It’s just not fair!”

I didn’t do this of course. But, I wanted to.

My brain understood that this is how life works. This is what is supposed to happen. This is what he needs. But, someone needed to explain it to my heart. The knowledge in my brain didn’t make the loss any easier.

I knew I would feel a range of emotions when his dad and I sent him to college. I expected these things. What I didn’t know was that along with all these feelings would come a few unexpected side effects.  Some were positive, as we made lemonade out of the lemons of his absence. But, a few were difficult and hard for me to wrap my head around.

The Quiet

With only one child in the house, things . . . are . . . very . . . quiet. There is no bickering or fighting (YIPPEE!) but there also isn’t the constant buzz of activity and the humming of voices.

Missing His Friends

One of the most unexpected and sorrowful side effects of my son leaving for college is, not only did I lose him, I lost all his friends. My son has a close-knit group of buddies that he, and I, have known since they were in elementary school.  With my son’s absence, I miss out on the chatter, the laughter, and the inside jokes that developed from hours of  playing video games, basketball, and just being boys in our home over the years. I lost my kid and sadly, I lost my “adopted” kids, too.

The Empty Nest

A bittersweet side effect of my son going away to college is that I feel like I already have an empty nest. At this point, it’s more bitter than sweet. My daughter, who is still in high school, is gone most weekend nights. She is off busy living her own life.  This has given my husband and me a lot of free time for movies, dinners, and concerts. (That’s the sweet part.) But, I wasn’t ready for this . . . not yet! (Here comes the bitterness.)

I don’t feel old enough to have an empty nest!

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My Kid’s Relationship

The absence of my son ironically brought my two kids closer together. They have always had a love/hate relationship but once my son was gone, I noticed it was more love than hate. This was actually a huge relief. I thought they were just going to get on each other’s nerves for the rest of their lives. Thankfully, for them, absence does make the heart grow fonder.

The Absence

The absolute worst side effect of sending my son to college I’d have to say is just the absence. The space that he is supposed to fill. The empty space at the dinner table. The bed that is constantly made because it is never slept in. Going to dinner and only requesting a table for three. The hole in our family where he belongs . . . like a puzzle missing the final piece.

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This sounds a little ‘woe is me’ and it’s not meant to. My kid is thriving. He is getting a great education, being exposed to a multitude of new people and experiences, and having a ball. This makes it all worth it. At the end of the day, a mom just wants her kids to be happy.

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I can handle all the expected and unexpected effects of sending my son to college. I will continue to do what we moms do. I will brace myself and take the next stage as it comes. I will let my kid know I love him. I will let him know his nest is always here.

And, although he is flying away from me, I will sit back and watch him soar.

Salty Kisses,