September 6, 2016 was the last time I was here.
Months have gone by and I worry I may have forgotten how to do this.
But I definitely haven’t forgotten YOU.
I have been holding onto you gently in a small corner of my mind. Thinking about how it makes me light up to connect with you here. Remembering the love I felt when I wrote something that impacted you and hearing your words of thanks. Longing to be able to clear my heaviness and write what was in my heart.
For deep reasons I will share with you at a later time, I just haven’t been able to. My heart was breaking and I didn’t have the strength or the clarity to write. I have been suffocating in a fog of sadness and it has taken all the energy I have to scratch and claw and pull myself to the surface.
But slowly, the fog is starting to fade.
I have begun to raise my head above the depths and take my first breaths of clean, pure joy.
I have been gingerly stepping back into life and I am extremely excited and humbled you are here.
Thank you. Thank you for waiting. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Life is a journey. A crazy, exhilarating, stagnant, messy, dismal, consuming, sad, wild, energetic journey.
We don’t always know what will come around the next bend.
And that makes it exciting. And scary.
Handling the twists and turns that come, whether we’re ready or not, is what makes us who we are. It makes us MORE of who we are.
And this is what I’ve been trying to do. Become more of who I am while navigating the bends and curves of this life journey, with grace. I haven’t always been successful, but I’ve done the best I can. And I’m finding that’s ok.
So thank you for waiting. And thank you for helping me be ok with not being ok.
I am not always going to do things right.
I can only do things the way I do them. And sometimes it’s far from perfect. In fact, sometimes it’s pretty marred and tarnished.
But that’s ok.
I am learning to be ok.
So thank you for waiting. And thank you for allowing me to be human.