Two weeks ago I posted a picture on my OSK Facebook and Instagram feeds of myself and a friend after we had been surfing. It wasn’t a new thing, I post surf related pictures of myself on my social media accounts all the time. However, this post got an insane amount of engagement. It really struck a nerve with people. However, it wasn’t my picture that people were responding to, it was my caption.

Here is the photo:

Here is what I wrote:

“Life doesn’t suck when you’re a stay-at-home mom who surfs. ? 10 years ago I never would have had the confidence to post a picture like this. I would have felt too guilty. I would have worried how it looked. I was under the impression that I wasn’t a good mom if I took time away from my family to do something like surf. I thought “good” moms wouldn’t do something so selfish. Thank goodness I have seen the light. I no longer give a shit what anyone else thinks. I realized that in order to truly be a good mom, I needed to nurture myself. I needed to spend a little time each day doing something I love so I have enough emotional energy to take care of everyone else. ☀️  So, no matter what you do, no matter what roles you take on in life, make sure you are taking time for you. Only then will you be able to be the best version of yourself. And don’t worry about what anyone else thinks! Especially for all the mamas out there.” ???

(If you’d like to join the salty fun with me on Instagram or Facebook, click the link.)

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Guilt!

People hold onto a crazy amount of guilt.

What I’ve come to find is that women, especially moms, have truckloads of the stuff.

We think that in order to be a good parent we “should” do this or “need to be” doing that.

People (especially women, and even more so, young moms) also feel guilty about taking care of themselves. About putting themselves first once in a while. They have a crazy notion that if they do something for themselves, somehow they are neglecting their children.

In reality, nothing could be further from the truth.

Parent or not, it is extremely important to do things for yourself. It’s called self-care. How on earth will you have energy to take care of others if you aren’t taking care of yourself?

Here are signs you might not be taking care of yourself.

Part of taking care of yourself is doing things that make you happy. Here’s a post I wrote on just that a while back. It’s called Give Yourself Permission to Have Fun.

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Stop The Madness

Whether or not you are a parent, we all suffer from unnecessary guilt and it’s time we put a stop to it.

Irrational guilt keeps us from making the most of each day and living a kick ass life.

[Tweet “Irrational guilt keeps us from making the most of each day and living a kick ass life.”]

Notice I said irrational and unnecessary guilt?

Rational guilt is actually good thing. It means if you hurt someone, you want to make it right. It means you have a conscience and a moral code. It means you aren’t a sociopath.

It’s appropriate to feel guilty when you’ve done something wrong or you’re not living up to your own standards.

Irrational guilt is totally different. This is a destructive emotion we put on ourselves. No one can “make” you feel guilty without your permission.

This kind of guilt is a choice and it is based on irrational beliefs we hold. (Like the one I had about thinking if I took time for myself, I was a bad mom.) It’s fueled by “shoulds” and faulty thinking. It’s fed by comparisons and the need to make everyone happy.

[Tweet “Sometimes guilt is a choice.”]

When I was a young mom, I had this notion that being a perfect mom was actually a “thing.” Where the hell did that idea come from? Luckily, after several years of parenting, and the wisdom that comes with age, I realized this was not the case. I came to understand that we are all our own versions of perfect, in parenting and in life. That there is no one right way to do it.

[Tweet “We are all our own versions of perfect.”]

If our kids feel loved and cared for, then we are a “perfect” parent.

[Tweet “If our kids feel loved, we ARE a perfect parent.”]

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How do we get rid of this unnecessary guilt?

Here are ways we can unpack our bags and avoid the guilt trips.

• First, understand there is no such thing as perfect. Just let that idea go. Repeat after me, “There is no such thing as perfect!”
• Be realistic. You can only do so much. And this much is okay. You aren’t expected to do it all. Only you expect that, so stop it!
• Look at the whole. You may mess up or have a bad day, but in the grand scheme of things you’re still kicking ass in life!
• Let go of what doesn’t serve you. The ideas you hold in your head that do not encourage or nourish you, let that shit go!
• Forgive yourself. You are doing the best you can darling! So forgive yourself for your (human) mistakes and move on.
• Give yourself permission to live this life however the hell you want to. It is YOUR life. As long as you’re not hurting anyone or breaking any laws, you are allowed to live by your own moral code. If you want to go surfing several times a week while your kids are in school, go for it! 😉
• Know yourself. Trust yourself. Respect yourself. If you need help, read this.
• Take care of yourself. Take time to do things that set your soul on fire. Things that don’t have anything to do with anyone else. Things that help you feel nurtured and replenished. And stop feeling bad about it.
• Set boundaries. If you usually feel guilty or bad after spending time or talking with someone, this is your clue to set tighter boundaries with them. Don’ t let them permeate the sacred space in your mind.
• Let go of faulty beliefs that don’t serve you; the “shoulds” and the “have tos.”
• Stop worrying what anyone else thinks.

Learn to recognize when people are trying to “make” you feel guilty for doing or not doing something. Especially when that person is yourself!

Only when you allow yourself to live in line with who you are, guilt free, will you be able to become the best version of yourself.

This was such a hot topic for people, I will write more in-depth on guilt in the future. Stay tuned.

If you need more now, here’s something from Mind Body Green – 5 Ways To Get Rid Of Guilt

What do you think? Are you holding onto any unnecessary guilt? I’d love to hear your comments.

And as always . . . if you’d like encouragement in living true to who you are and creating a life you love, sign up below for my monthly newsletter.

Salty Kisses,