Gratitude.

This month we hear a lot about being thankful here in the U.S.

We are reminded to count our blessings. We try to consciously keep our focus on the sweet stuff. It would really be in bad taste to be thankless this month!

I love Thanksgiving for this reason. It takes our ego down a notch and tells us to stop whining and appreciate the good.

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And man, don’t we all need this reminder? This is a generalization but truly, those of us that live in a 1st world country shouldn’t really complain about much.

At this point in my life, I have more things to be grateful for than not. I am surrounded by amazing people. I live in a beautiful town where I am free to make my own choices. I, and my loved ones, are healthy. I can go through my days feeling safe. I get to have fun.

I don’t believe in luck. I don’t think there is a haphazard force out there where things happen with no rhyme, no reason, and no plan.

I believe everything has a purpose. I believe in karma. I believe in intentions. I believe God and the Universe work for the good of the people on the planet. I believe the more we put ourselves out there in love and light, the more the world responds. There is no room for luck.

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But . . . . .

On a day like today, where I am humbled and overcome with my incredible good fortunes, I stop to think, “Why me?”

I have so much goodness . . . “Why me? Why am I so fortunate while others struggle?”

I really didn’t ‘do’ anything to deserve the  blessings I have. Sure, I made choices along the way in my life that led me to where I am, but in the big scheme of things, I didn’t do much.

If I think too long about it, it boggles my mind.

I could have been born in a time where women had few rights. I could live in a place where I fear for my life on a daily basis. I could be lonely. I could have suffered extreme personal loss. I could be homeless and hungry. I could have a mental or physical illness. I could be watching a loved one fight disease. I could have people in my life that don’t recognize my worth; that abuse me.

I could . . . . . .

But, at this moment, I don’t.

I am extremely thankful. I understand the blessings that have been placed in my care. I am not ungrateful.

Looking at and voicing the things I am grateful for is relatively easy.

What isn’t so easy is giving myself permission to fully embrace my gratitude.

For along with that gratitude comes a nagging voice that says, “You don’t deserve this.”

The voice that says I should be suffering more. That things should be harder. That I should be struggling.

The voice that says, “why you?”

At times, my guilt keeps me from truly owning my gratitude.

So, as Thanksgiving approaches, I will not be doing the 30 days of gratitude, saying each day what I am grateful for.

I will be the one silently on her knees in humble appreciation, saying thank you, and struggling to believe she deserves it.

I will be the one looking at her beautiful life, searching for the reassurance in her heart that confirms this is how things are supposed to be.

I will be the one surrendering to the questioning and believing that indeed this is part of a grander plan. That struggles will come my way again as they always do, but for now, for this precious moment in time, I can rest in the peace that I am worthy.

Salty Kisses,

Karen