Surfing in midlife has helped me become more courageous.

Being a “middle aged” woman in a male dominated sport that has potential for significant injury, has provided me ample opportunities to develop my bravery.

I do believe courage is like a muscle that needs to be used in order to get stronger. The more we confront and tackle fearful situations, the more daring we become. In this regard, surfing has turned me into kind of a bad ass!

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Confronting the ocean’s changing conditions and raw power has helped me become more bold.

Surfing has also made me a more determined and confident person simply because I am a minority in the water. When I go surfing, if there are other women in the water, usually they came with me.

Being one of few women surfers in the line up forces me to make my presence felt. If not, I will be overlooked. This isn’t an uncommon experience. Sometimes in life, middle-aged women can become invisible; disregarded as insignificant.

This is definitely true in surfing. If my surf sisters and I paddle out to an unfamilar line up where the guys don’t know us, the pressure is on for us to quickly catch a wave and show, “Yes, we know what we’re doing and we are going to be catching waves, too.” If we don’t assertively paddle to the peak and take off on waves, the men in the water will discount our ability and think they are entitled every wave; almost as if we weren’t even there. We are obligated to show them that we ARE there and we will be surfing, too.

When the conditions are big, or challenging, I always enter the water with my game face on. Almost with a chip on my shoulder, like I have something to prove. And until I take, and make, that first wave, I do. It is important to me that I prove I belong out there. Because just by looking at me, most men in the line up will make an assumption that I don’t. I force myself to paddle into a sea of strangers and prove I am one of them. I take off next to people (usually men) who are paddling for the same wave, and think to myself, “I can get it just as easily as they can. And I deserve it just as much.”

Being a woman in a sea of men has helped me become more adept at standing up for myself. For standing tall instead of shrinking away.

When I’m in the water, I no longer feel I have to relinquish every set wave to a dude. I am confident in sitting in the middle of the pack. I pick and choose my waves, but I definitely feel self-assured that I deserve a good wave just as much as anyone.

Surfing has also helped me become increasingly confident in using my voice.

It took me a while to get there though. In life and in surfing.

I was raised to keep everything in. I had a great childhood, but emotions and strong feelings just weren’t discussed in my family. And there surely were NEVER any confrontations.

So, I grew up a “good girl.” A girl who was seen and not heard. A girl who went along with things even if she might not believe in them. A girl who didn’t always stand up for herself. A girl who didn’t want to make waves (excuse the pun).

This girl grew up to be an easy-going young woman. Someone who was uncomplicated and effortless to be around. She never shared her strong opinions or created conflict; never went against the grain.

But, this young woman grew into an older woman who decided she wanted to have a voice. She got tired of denying her inner self, her inner mermaid.

The challenges in surfing, along with the beauty and wisdom of age, helped her establish this voice.

When I was 35, I was a stay home soccer mom who decided to step out of her comfort zone and try a surf lesson. I grew up an inland girl who wasn’t even a great swimmer, so surfing was a big stretch for me. From the first pop up I fell in love. I would spend several days a week trying to become a better surfer. The fact that I even became a surfer bolstered my courage.

As the years went by, I did become a better surfer. Lots of practice and being comfortable with my fear made this possible. Surfing catapulted me out of my comfort zone each time I got in the water. It compelled me to learn how to feel afraid and not let it hold me back.

Being confronted with big waves, strong currents, a**holes in the line up, surfing over reefs, surfing with sharks and stingrays, has actually turned me into quite the salty gangster.

Being a female surfer in midlife has helped develop my voice. It has empowered me to have the courage to speak my mind, to stand up for myself, and to make waves if necessary.  It has given me the fortitude to handle whatever life decides to throw at me.

I still do hold a lot of things in. It’s my English heritage, my laid back nature, as well as my upbringing. However, surfing and “maturity” have helped me feel more confident in using my voice and feeling that I deserve to be heard.

Some situations can still be scary. Paddling into an unfamiliar line up, especially with big waves, takes me out of my comfort zone. But, the more I do this, the more I want to do it. The more I get out of that comfort zone and move past my insecurities and fears, the more I develop my courage muscle. The more I prove to myself that I AM a bad ass.

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I have to force myself to do this. Force myself to be scared and unsure because being afraid never really gets easy. But, when I do, I am one step closer to being the best surfer I can be. And this, simultaneously, takes me closer to the ultimate goal of being the best person I can be.

Salty Kisses,

Karen

 

***Dislclaimer: Most of the “regular guys” I surf with and have come to know through surfing over the years are very supportive and encouraging to me and my surf sisters. But, we definitely had to prove ourselves in the beginning. 😉