One Salty Kiss

Why Finding Your Purpose Is Bullsh*t

When people say we must find our one true purpose, we are being set up for failure. Here's why.

 

When people say we must find our one true purpose, we are being set up for failure. Here's why.

We hear ad nauseum that while on this earth we are supposed to find our purpose. That we need to figure out our calling and make a living at it.

Well, I’m here to say, that is a load of BS.

If we buy into the bull that people try to sell us about the necessity of finding our one, true purpose, we are setting ourselves up for failure.

There was a painful time in my life where I was questioning my purpose. I had spent years dedicated to one main goal, to be the best mom I could be to my two children. I was laser focused on my role as a stay at home mom, to the point that I really didn’t allow for much else.

I would socialize with friends and have date nights with my hubby, but I didn’t devote time to any of my other passions while in the trenches of raising my kids. I didn’t take time to do things just for me, apart from my role as wife and mother. It wasn’t until my kids got older and more self sufficient that I started to realize what a disservice I had done myself.

This is when I started to realize that the thought of people having one true purpose is a crock.

[Tweet “The thought of people having one true purpose is a load of bull.”]

Raising my children has been my extreme privilege. I loved every second. (Well, not every second, but almost.) 🙂

But, what I found was that after the hard-core, hands on mothering was coming to an end, I had neglected my other passions so much that I didn’t recognize myself anymore. Read this if you can relate and need help relocating yourself. 🙂

To be a good parent is a valuable and important goal. But, it shouldn’t be the only goal.

[Tweet “To be a good parent is an important goal, but it shouldn’t be the only goal.”]

I understand how chaotic it is to raise young kids. I know it’s hard to even think of taking time for yourself. Somedays you are just happy that everyone is alive at the end of the day. And if you get a shower, that’s a bonus.

[Tweet “When raising kids, somedays you are just happy that everyone is alive at the end of the day. “]

But, I am here to say, you are still a good parent if you take time for yourself.

[Tweet “You are still a good parent if you make time for yourself.”]

If you need ideas in how to do this, sign up for my free guide, 31 Days of Self-Care. 

We are all created with giftS and passionS. Plural. The things we are good at; the things that set our soul on fire. It is a myth that we have, and need to find, one purpose in life.

[Tweet “It is a myth that we have one purpose in life and need to find it.”]

In fact, if we only put energy into one passion, thinking this is our sole purpose, we are not living in alignment with all we were created to be.

A purpose, by definition, is a reason for something/someone to exist; one’s main intention or objective.

We do not exist for one specific reason. There are a multitude of reasons we are alive.

If you are feeling pressure to find A purpose or are unsure what your passions are, try this quick exercise:

Grab a pencil and paper and make a list. Go on . . . I’ll wait.

Write down each thing you believe you were put on this planet for. Why you exist.

These are the things you are good at, the things you have a heart for, the things you enjoy.  Write down the little things, too.

Dig deep. Make an exhaustive list.

Start with, “I exist to . . .”

For example:

I exist to be a good mother.

I exist to be a loving wife, sister, daughter, and friend.

I exist to communicate to others that life is short and the time for their dreams is now.

I exist to show families there is another way to parent than neglect and violence.

I exist to show children they are valuable and have a voice.

I exist to support women in their quest to live authentically and courageously.

I exist to be an example in compassion for the underdog.

I exist to show others that life is not one-dimensional.

I exist to have fun, to be courageous, to make mistakes and to help others do the same.

I exist to share each of my gifts so I can live up to my full potential.

Write down as many as you can.

Make the last line: “I exist to share each of my gifts so I can live up to my true potential.”

[Tweet “I exist to share each of my gifts so I can live up to my true potential.”]

You should have a minimum of ten.

If you are having a hard time, get quiet and look into your heart. They are in there. You will find them.

If you are still struggling, think about things you have done in the past. For example, I put on my list my purpose in helping children and families. This was years ago in my role as a counselor, yet I do believe I was put on this earth to work with those families. It is still a reason I exist even though it was in the past.

Maybe you have a heart for abused and abandoned animals and want to devote your time to that.

Maybe you inspire people to live a healthier lifestyle.

Maybe you create beautiful things that make people happy.

Maybe you love your job.

Maybe you are good at telling people things they need to hear.

Maybe you are a caretaker for an aging parent.

Maybe you work with special needs children.

Maybe you are a good friend.

Maybe you’re a hard worker.

Maybe you live you life with such positivity and light, you inspire others to do the same.

Maybe . . .

See where I’m going with this?

Once you have your list, sit back and look at it. Look at all the things you were put on this earth to do. Let that soak in.

Is there one on that list really speaks to you? If you are looking to follow a passion or feel like you don’t have a purpose, this might be an area you want to explore further.

We are multifaceted beings. We have many amazing and important gifts.

Why then should we be forced into just one? Believing that this is our sole purpose?

We shouldn’t. Because this my friend, is bullshit.

In fact, in order for us to live up to our true potential, we need to tap into each of our gifts. We must nurture every single one of the things that makes our heart sour.

Because only then will we be living in alignment with who we were created to be.  Only then can we become our best self and live our best life!

http___signatures.mylivesignature.com_54494_98_D2417DC4DFF75430B351F594161BBC2F

Karen Shatafian

, ,

33 responses to “Why Finding Your Purpose Is Bullsh*t”

  1. Great for a Monday morning Karen!- Still working on being multifaceted, but your words are encouraging and keep me thinking! xoxox

  4. You are so right on with your post. It took me years to find “my passion” and when I did I thought that was it for me but boy, was I wrong. Illness took me away from working and now here I am searching once again. I love the I exist list. What a great exercise! So many of us get lost in thinking we are just moms or just our jobs when we are sooooo much more!

    • Yes! We ARE so much more! I believe we, as women, are good at adapting with change. Once we can wrap our mind around the new phase, we look to reinvent ourselves. Thank you for your comment Carolann!

  5. I really like this. I’m constantly getting slammed by folks for my lack of focus. Well, to heck with ’em. I am multi-faceted and I can’t help that. Thanks for the thoughts.

    • Yes Anne! To heck with ’em! We have many passions inside us and they all deserve to be heard! Maybe if you’re feeling unfocused (key word you’re), try devoting your energy to a particular passion and see where it takes you! 🙂

  7. Oh you are so right… I’m proud to be multi-passionate and it all leads to helping people. Love the list exercise, get’s people really thinking about why they exist. My husbands says that his is to cause me grief 😉

    • Thank you Gisele! I love that it leads to helping people because really, that is the best passion to have! And I love your husbands sense of humor . . . and yours! 🙂

  8. Really loved this. I also focused solely on children when my kids were little. I feel I didn’t come into my own till I hit my 50’s. My purpose is slowly evolving into sharing thoughts on aging with my blog. Needed this post. Thank you.

    • Yes Laurie-I totally was there myself! I am so glad this came at a good time for you! You, as do we all, have so many things to offer. I am glad you are sharing yours! 🙂 Thank you for your comment. And let’s spread the news that women can be good mommies even when they are dong things for themselves! 🙂

    • I agree Iman. Sometimes that is okay when we are focusing on where our heart takes us, as long as we don’t forget about all the other wonderful gifts we have to share.

  11. As a person who has never been able to settle down to a single passion, I LOVE this. I do think some people have one true passion – we all know those geniuses who are amazing at that one thing, but can barely function in the rest of their lives – but it’s much more common for us to be interested in various things during the course of our lives (or our day). For years I agonized about finding my passion, until I figured out that my passion is learning, growing, and changing!

    J

    • So true Jane. I used to envy those type of people thinking “why don’t I know my purpose?” But, then I realized I have many passions and can live a more fulfilled like if I tap into each of them. Thank you so much for your comment! I love what you discovered in the end! 🙂

  12. Great blog post..so necessary!! I agree..to limit yourself to one purpose and not pursue any other passions does a disservice to you and your loved ones!

  13. Thank you for sharing this – it’s so important to note that we can have more than one purpose. I don’t know what mine are, but the finding them is so frustrating. I will just keep moving forward!

    • Think of it as an adventure. Or think of yourself as a child who is new to everything and tries out different activities until they find one that fits. I definitely understand your frustration. There is no time limit though, so just keep opening yourself up to new things, take some risks, and you will find them. Great attitude! Just keep moving!

  14. I love this, Karen! You are so right! Not only do we have more than one true purpose, our gifts and purposes change as we grow. We are not the same people we were 20 years ago, ten years ago, or even two years ago. I’m going to do this list exercise and see what I come up with!

  15. This is a good reminder. I see so many moms simply burned out because they don’t do what’s best for them but for everyone else. I’m very blessed my husband pushed me out the door to continue to pursue my passions and sometimes just my hobbies. Thanks for the reminder we’re here for more than one purpose.

  16. At first I thought I was going to disagree with the direction of this post. But I do agree, there isn’t necessarily one true purpose for anyone.

    I think as individuals we’re so multifaceted, as you said, that we can’t be tied down to any one thing. One person can serve different purpose just the same as a single person can be multi-talented. I know want to serve different purpose during my lifetime.

    ~Lea

    • Thank you for commenting Lea! A lot of people had a hard time with this post. I think we grow and change so much over time that our passions and purpose may change as well. I would just hate for people to put pressure on themselves to pigeon hole themselves into one thing!