One Salty Kiss

Are You Choosing Busy Over Happy?

What's Important
What's Important
What’s Important

Everybody is so busy these days. Running here, there, and everywhere in an effort to get things done. In a world that tells us it’s important to have more, to do more; we find ourselves spread thin trying to do it all.

When I look around at all this ‘busy-ness,’ I wonder if I am living a life of importance? Am I spending my time doing things that matter? Am I teaching my kids what is important in life?

Like most things, busy is a choice. I am as busy as I choose to be. I am the only one in control of my life and if I am overwhelmed because I have too much to do and not enough time, this is my choice. If I have a hard time setting boundaries or saying, ‘No,’ it is no one’s responsibility but mine.

When I feel I have too much on my plate, I feel overwhelmed and exhausted. I find myself  disconnected because I don’t have enough time for everything. I don’t have enough time for my relationships. I don’t have enough time for me.

Busy is NOT a bad word. I sing the praises of being productive. In fact, I get huge amounts of glee crossing things off my to do list. We have to devote time and energy to support our family, develop our career, reach a goal, or make a dream reality. And, we will always have to do things we don’t want to do. Like go to the dentist and take the car in for service.

What I have issue with is consciously choosing busy over balance.

I have a hard time when people choose ‘busy-ness’ over self-care. Choose ‘busy-ness’ over relationships. Choose ‘busy-ness’ over ‘happy-ness.’

I think some people get an ego boost by saying how busy they are. It makes them feel important and needed. And that’s okay . . . we all need to feel needed. But, what I really hear them saying is, “I have a hard time making time for the important things in life” or “I am using being ‘busy’ as a way to avoid certain things or people.”

How often do we hear people say, “Oh, I’m just so busy” or “Oh, I can’t because I’m too busy”?

How often do we hear ourselves saying this?

If it has become a mantra, we may need to take a step back and evaluate our days. Are we busy doing the things that matter? Are we doing things for our family or friends? For our joy? For our career dreams? To make the world a tiny bit better?

Do we have our priorities straight when it comes to how we spend our time? If not, then we need to ask ourselves, “what am I so busy doing?”

When I see adults around me choosing to be so busy, it begs to ask, what then are we teaching our children?

Do our kids see us giving our precious time to what matters? Are we modeling how to live a life with equal parts productivity and joy? Are we giving importance to being creative and unstructured, instead of continually working toward something? Are we showing them how to be, God forbid, “unproductive” . . . by doing something just for the pure fun of it?

Life is very short. I don’t want myself, or my kids, to feel like we need to choose busy over happy.

Life is short. I don’t want myself, or my kids, to feel like we must choose busy over happy. Click To Tweet

Sometimes I feel like we are raising a generation of people to think this ‘busy-ness’ is normal. Our kids start to believe it is common place to have every minute of their day scheduled. They think it is ok to eat dinner at 9:00 at night because the day has been jam-packed with so many activities. They start to believe it is normal to have to do homework in the car while en route to another obligation.

Sometimes I feel like we are raising a generation of people to think ‘busy-ness’ is normal Click To Tweet

Between the need to be busy, and the instant gratification/distraction of technology, we are raising kids that don’t know what to do with down time. They don’t know how to just “be.” People that don’t know how to fill free time or what to do when they start to feel bored. They don’t know how to get dirty, to be unproductive, to take risks and just see mistakes as part of the process.

I get it. I understand the pressure parents and kids feel to “keep up with the Joneses.” We want our kids to find something they love, to be able to compete in this world, to succeed. But, are we also teaching them what is important? Are we teaching them that self-care and relationships with others are what make this world beautiful? Are what make this world go ’round?

Teach kids that self-care and relationships with others are what make this world beautiful Click To Tweet

It’s impressive to get straight As. It’s fabulous to excel in sports. It is spectacular to get into a prestigious college. It’s amazing to work hard and make a great paycheck. It’s great to have a big house and nice car.

As long as at the end of the day we, and our children, realize what’s important.

Connection.

Community with others: The pull your heart feels when you engage with another being.

And

Self reflection: The ability to listen to your heart and honor who you truly are.

These things are impossible if we are constantly running. If we never take a breath, or a moment to pause to see others. To see ourselves. To listen to our own or connect with another’s heart and soul.

Sometimes we just need to be okay not being so busy.

I want my children to be hard workers. I want them to be productive. I want them to be driven. But I also want them to have balance. I want them to have down time. I want them to realize that there is nothing more important than being true to who they are. Nothing more valued than the love of family and friends. And I want them to make this a priority.

I want them to fill their days with what makes them happy in addition to what is productive.

How do you and your family find balance in a world of busy??

I’d love to hear about it in the comments.

Salty Kisses,

Karen

Photo: Dollar Photo Club

Karen Shatafian

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25 responses to “Are You Choosing Busy Over Happy?”

  1. Such a good read. I definitely needed to hear it today. My daughter is 2.5 and I’m about to give birth to number 2 in a couple of months. Feeling super guilty about not filling her days with lots of activities. What a great reminder to just be.

    • Oh, thank you Stephanie! As moms, that guilt thing is so hard to fight off sometimes. I appreciate you stopping by and taking the time to comment!

  2. Busy is almost a 4 letter word for me. Everyone is busy, I don’t accept it as a reason for an excuse! You make some really great points.

  3. Great post! My family and I got off the busy train many years ago and it’s the best thing we ever did. Now that my kids are older and heading off on their own I am so grateful for this. We shared so many lazy days just enjoying each other. Long walks, and long talks. Sipping tea and watching the world go by. Nothing beats it, certainly not running from activity to activity in a blind dash.

    • Right!?! I am not sure what it is all for . . . being so busy. That is so great to hear you were able to get off the “busy train.” It definitely take conscious effort. Thank you so much for the comment Taunya!!!! 🙂

  4. Such a good reminder. I’ve got 4 munchkins and I’m an ‘ants in pants’ kinda person myself so without busyness I feel a little lost. I need to make sure I don’t impart that to my children so they can make the most of each moment.

    • It’s a balance definitely. Our kids remember the time spent together, not the endless car rides to and from practice and lessons! Thank you for stopping by and for the comment! 🙂

  6. I felt what I think was (gasp) boredom the other day for the first time in a year or more? I didn’t like it . . . looking back, it was a moment of doing nothing and I just panicked. I think that I need a 12 step program just to step back from my compulsive busyness.

    • Haha yes Lori! I think there would be many people joining you in that! Our culture isn’t good at teaching us it’s okay to just ‘be.’ Thanks for stopping by!

  8. Hi Karen, this is a wonderful post and I couldn’t agree with you more. It seems it is much easier for people to fill their days with to-do lists than to detach and just be. I meditate everyday and I still struggle with trying to write, blog, be a good mother, be a good wife, be a good friend. I try to slow things down by taking each morning to give thanks and to try to stay connected to what really matters. but, it’s still a challenge I work on every day.

    • Thank you Monica! And thank you for your comment. Yes-it is a daily struggle to be in the moment and being okay with having down time. I think being mindful of it is half the battle . . . so we’re almost there. 🙂

  9. I totally agree! I think our society seems to praise busyness and looks down on relaxing/down time. If we aren’t saying we have something going on, people are so quick to want to fill that up instead of realizing how important that “nothing scheduled” is! Yesterday morning I was even more reminded of that when my newborn son was sleeping on my belly for a couple hours. For a short moment I felt guilty about not getting stuff done around the house while he was sleeping but then quickly realized just how important that time with him was. My time with him was far more important than the dishes getting washed or the bed being made, and so I took the time to fully enjoy the moment and rest. Great thoughts! 🙂

    • YES! That sweet baby time is THE most important thing! The dishes and beds can wait! So glad you gave yourself permission to just ‘be’ with him. 🙂 Thank you for stopping by!

  12. Hi Karen, I so agree and I think ‘busy-ness’ is a disease these days except (and specially where I live) it’s one that most people are proud of! But I, like you, so appreciate downtime. Thanks for this post!