Well, we did it.  This past Wednesday was Wednesday #52.  Hard to believe.  Has it really been a year?  This day marks the end of our challenge.  The completion of our goal to surf every Wednesday for a year. This goal that has been driving us the past 52 weeks.

When I woke up Wednesday morning, anticipating our last surf on this incredible journey, I had expected to feel elated.  Like when you complete a marathon or ace that daunting final exam. I anticipated excitement in reaching the goal we set out to accomplish all those weeks ago.  But I didn’t feel that.  I felt proud for sure, but not exhilarated. I felt something more subtle. Quiet…almost melancholy.

There was a nagging voice in the back of my mind. You know the one…the one that discourages you and questions your ability and minimizes your accomplishments. The voice that was saying…”So you surfed every Wednesday for a year?…Big deal!…What difference does it make?”

I had just seen an article on a girl who surfed 1,000 days in a row…1,000!!!!! “Now that is an accomplishment!” The voice said.  “What’s the big deal about 52 Wednesdays?”

As I loaded my board, packed my car, and headed to the beach I pondered this question.

I arrived at Bolsa. Tower 22.  Tiare and I wanted to conclude our journey here…where so many of our Wednesdays had been spent over the past year.

I was the first to arrive.  I got out of my car and headed to the shore. As I checked the conditions, it became clear pretty quickly that we would not be surfing here today.

The waves had some size and punch.  Head high to maybe 2ft. overhead on the sets.  That wasn’t the problem though. They were coming in at a consistent pace…maybe 7 second intervals.  Their shape resembled a huge wall of liquid. Not many shoulders. No corners. No opportunity to make the drop before being swallowed by white water. Paddling out would be exhausting if not impossible.

As I stood alone on the sand watching the waves roll in one after another, I thought about this being the 52nd Wednesday.  I thought back to that very 1st random Wednesday 52 weeks ago that started it all.  And I thought of all the Wednesdays in between.  I chuckled at the many days we paddled out with little or no surf.  I cringed as I recalled the day we went out in gale force winds and walls of surf that gave each of us a whomping and a taste of fear.  I thought of all the times we paddled out in high tides and low tides. The many days with fog, with wind, with gloom, with clouds and with sun.  I recalled the stingray encounters, the shark warnings, and the countless pod of dolphin that could always be relied on to swim by with a smile.  I thought of the ever changing cast of characters that paddled out with us throughout the past year of Wednesdays.  And I recalled the days when it was just Tiare and me.

As I reflected on my year in Wednesdays, I addressed that critical voice who lives in the recesses of my mind.  Wahine Wednesdays HAS made a difference to me.  It has made a difference IN me.  I have been changed because of the Wednesdays of this past year. I have uncovered new pieces of myself.  My life has been enriched because of these Wednesdays and most importantly the people I have shared the waves with.  New friends made.  Current friendships strengthened.

I am brought back to the present as Mike arrives. After examining the water together he confirms that this is not the place for our final, celebratory Wahine Wednesday surf.

I send the text to the others that we should check elsewhere.

After doing the surfer shuffle (checking different spots to find the best conditions) we end up at The River.  Tiare, Penny and Cindy and I paddle out.  Paula , Mike and Dave had sent us off with congratulatory good wishes.  I am feeling lighter…happier since quieting that annoying critical voice.

We pull on our wetsuits, grab our boards and head for the water.

There were several people out so after a bit of jockeying for position, we eased into a comfortable rotation.  We each caught our share of waves and between rides we would talk about our lives and whatever menial topic was at the forefront of our brains.

While in the water Penny asked Tiare and me if Wahine Wednesdays had been what we expected it to be.  This was a question I hadn’t thought to answer until now.  I told her, when it began, I didn’t know what to expect. I had no real expectations.  I just knew that I had become stagnant in my life and was hoping WW would be the catalyst to movement or growth.

I also told her what I hadn’t expected.  I did not expect that Wahine Wednesdays would give me permission to be a dreamer.  To be someone who could say yes.  Someone who could give in to enthusiasm. Who could step out of the security of her box. Someone who could look beyond boundaries and say “Is it possible?”

As our surf session came to an end…we caught our final wave together.  The four of us on the same wave.  Reminiscent of an Endless Summer surf scene.  We looked down the line at each other smiling and giggling all while trying not to wipe out and take our surf sisters down with us.  We were so close we could touch.  In fact, Penny and I grabbed hands and rode the rest of the wave hand in hand.

We rode that wave as far into the river as we could.  Not wanting the party to end.  Milking every last second of it, laughing the whole way.  We ended up taking that wave so far up the river it became closer to paddle the rest of the way until we were adjacent to the parking lot.

It was the perfect way to end our 52nd Wednesday surf session!

Later, when thinking about that wave and Penny’s question, I considered my answer to her.  I wondered why it took Wahine Wednesdays to bring out the dreamer in me.  To bring out the creative side of me.

I have always thought of my gifts as “regular”.  I am practical.  A good friend. Easy to talk to. Reliable. Fun. Grounded. Nice. I have a good head on my shoulders.

I didn’t think I had a creative side.  I didn’t like doing “crafty” things so I though that meant I didn’t have that creative gene.  The gene that says, “Let’s make something” or Let’s create something” or “Let’s paint, or draw, or write.”  No one ever taught me to nurture that.

I could always be counted on to do the safe thing.  I would choose what was possible and realistic. No one ever taught me to dream.  I never learned to say “Why do I have to stay in these boundaries?” or “How do we know that’s not possible?” or “Who else can I be in this world?”

Wahine Wednesdays, and this blog, gave me permission to be extraordinary. To explore my desires. To enhance undiscovered parts of myself.  To let my inner self out. Let her breathe. Let her play and dance and sing.  Let her write and paint and draw even though she isn’t very good. WW reminded me, that in order to dream, you have to be ok with failing. You have to be able to stand up to that inner critic and tell her to take a hike.

So after we started Wahine Wednesdays and this blog, I started to write. After I realized I could do that, I tried drawing and painting.  I started looking at myself as a creative person.  I started loosening the grip on the labels I had myself wrapped in.

I did these things all while my family raised curious eyebrows at first and said, “But you’ve never been a writer, an artist, a dreamer.”

I did these things all while listening to the whisper of that inner voice.  The one that said, “You’re not a writer, an artist, a dreamer.”

And then Wahine Wednesdays helped me ask, “Why can’t you be a writer, an artist, a dreamer?”

Wahine Wednesdays gave me permission to look at myself in a new way.  I started seeing myself as a creative person simply because I gave myself permission to do these things.  Not because I was any good at them.

Wahine Wednesdays also allows me to nurture a dream….A BIG dream.  A dream of opening a women’s surf shop even though I have not a lick of experience.   WW lets me continue fanning the flames of this dream even when almost everyone around me gives me crazy looks when I mention it.  They tell me I am crazy.  They say it is a crazy idea.  They almost had me believing I WAS crazy.

But, crazy or not, Wahine Wednesdays somehow empowers me to dream this dream anyway.  And it helps me tell my inner critic where to go.

So when I look back on my year in Wednesdays, I AM elated.

Wahine Wednesdays has made a difference.

 

Thank you for joining us on the journey to 52 Wahine Wednesdays.

I am looking forward to what the next year in Wednesdays brings!

Salty Kisses.

Karen